me: i cant move, a cute animal is asleep on me
person: push it off
me: [enraged and offended]
(Source: uglydantedeactivated, via officialfrenchtoast)
I had sex in a graveyard and was walking around nude cause it was like 80 degrees and I was all sweaty and it was like midnight or whatever.
So this car rolls up out of nowhere and I’m stark fucken naked.
I’m also white as fuck. I glow in the dark.
I make eye contact with the dude driving.
I don’t make a move to cover up or anything because idgaf about being naked.
I see his eyes widen….
With fear.He fucken books it out of there like a bat out of hell.
And that’s the story about how I became a ghost sighting in a small town in New England.
Also. That was how I had sex the first time.
